From the Editor: The Power of No

When I started at USA Lacrosse in 2005, Brian Logue and I had a Monday morning tradition. I’d regale him with entertaining tales of bachelorhood, and he’d bore us back to reality with stories about what’s happening on the youth sports sidelines.

My how the turntables.

Here I am now, writing monthly in this space of the follies in coaching and parenthood.

When Logue was in the thick of it, he wrote a blog encouraging parents to just say yes — to make the lives of volunteer coaches just a little bit easier by raising your hand when they need someone to run the clock, line the field, work concessions or move a goal.

I agree wholeheartedly. But sometimes, we should just say no.

• Say no to offseason commitments that interfere with in-season sports or crowd your calendar.Just because your club or travel team has year-round programming doesn’t mean you’re on the hook for all of it.
• Say no to practices or even (gasp) games that conflict with family vacations, religious observance, school concerts and other extracurricular activities that contribute to your child’s well-roundedness. It feels great to mark “No” on the team apps. Like we’re reclaiming agency in our lives.
• Say no to sports altogether if grades are suffering or unfinished schoolwork mounting. Send the message that student comes before athlete.
• Say no to unnecessary accessories. Do you really need the custom team equipment bag when a generic duffle carrier will suffice just as well at half the price? You notice it more than your kid does.
• Say no to rec slander. Don’t let anyone make you feel like your child’s experience is somehow lesser because they play for a community-based organization prioritizing opportunity over profit.
• Say no if your child asks you to carry their bag to the field. Go curbside. It builds character.
• Say no to the guilt trip, the pressure to attend every minute of every game lest you be perceived as unsupportive. As our CEO Marc Riccio says, showing up matters. And as someone who too often heard the refrain “get a ride” from his parents and saw empty seats at his senior sports banquet, I overcorrect by attending every function. But it’s healthy for my kids to play sports outside my view, and it gives us something to talk about without parental pretext.

“Yes Day” is a great movie to watch with your kids. But no has its place in parenthood.