From the Editor: What I Really Love About Watching My Kids Play

John O’Sullivan, bestselling author and founder of Changing the Game Project, recommends that parents focus on one sentence when talking with our kids at competitions and events.

“I love to watch you play.”

I agree with the premise and often turn to some variation of this six-word phrase when I find myself offering unwanted feedback on what my kids could do better. More than anything, they need to know they have my unconditional love and support.

But if I’m being honest, there are times when I don’t love watching them play. It’s a grind, man. Weekends washed. Weeknight dinners on the go. Unbudgeted expenses. Interminable text messages and team app notifications. Angsty adults living and dying with every shot, pitch, pass and finish. Younger siblings who don’t possess the filter you do when they groan aloud, they’re so bored. (Me too buddy.)

Raise your hand if you’ve ever rooted for a loss in a tournament so you could go home rather than suffer through one more game. It’s OK. I see you.

“I love to watch you play” reminds me of another axiom with troubling logic, which is, “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

With all due respect to Mark Twain and John O’Sullivan, I love my job and I love my kids. But work is work, parenting is parenting and parenting is work — even in the context of play. I don’t love to watch them play as much as I love to watch them set goals, overcome adversity, develop relationships and manage failure.

Therefore, “I watch you play because I love you.”

That rightly removes me from consideration. It’s about them and what they love about the sports experience, not my fulfillment or entertainment.

Because if it were about me, I’d much rather be doing something else other than watching children play amateur sports. It’s healthy to say so. Because every pursuit of passion has its cost, and I’d rather my kids know this than operate from the perspective of privilege.